Is there a correlation between having a partner and being happy? Some believe that the “trick” to being happy is to have a relationship, as if it will solve all problems: depression, sadness, low self-esteem and so on. Having a relationship – so they believe – will make them satisfied and content.
Those thinking that way often attempt various ways in order to find a partner. As if having one will alleviate all their problems.
Unfortunately, things don’t work that way. The reasons are many:
1. Thinking that having a relationship will solve all their problems and will make them happy drives them to enter a relationship with whoever asks them out. This by itself is like playing a Russian roulette: you never know who you end up with, and what sort of a relationship you’ll have. The motivating force to enter a relationship is a wrong one: to escape being alone. But then, not being selective about whom you are driven into a relationship with, can often end up with bad and frustrating experiences rather than with a satisfying and a happy bond.
2. Having a partner doesn’t mean all your problems will be solved. Indeed, having a suitable partner can enable you to confront your problems with his/her support (even though this isn’t always the case!); to discuss your problems with him/her (which, again, isn’t always the case); to share your fears, needs and difficulties. But these all don’t mean your problems will vanish (and, in some cases, if you depends too much on your partner to “be there for you” while you are busy solving your problems on a daily basis you might inadvertently drive your partner away from you).
3. Being happy is not something someone “do” to you. It is a feeling that comes from within – feeling satisfied with who you are. Indeed, at times having a relationship enables you to feel more satisfied with your life, but it isn’t the relationship that makes you happy. Rather, it is the style of living, thinking and feeling you have adapted to yourself which have brought you to the brinks of a satisfying relationship. We all know unaccounted number of people in a relationship who are not happy. It therefore goes without saying that in order to feel happy with your life you need to feel happy with “who you are”; all the rest follows.
Those trying to have a relationship but to no avail feel frustrated, disappointed, asking themselves why aren’t they successful, why don’t they have a partner with whom to develop the intimacy they so much desire.
In order to change their situation they first need to become aware of the reasons for their failures, the reasons which prevent them from succeeding. It is then that they can feel more free, knowing that, with their renewed understanding, they now have the choice to approach life and relationships in a slightly different manner. Realizing they have a choice they are no longer imprisoned in their habitual ways of thinking, feeling and doing things. They can now attempt new ways of reacting and behaving.
Knowing that they can take themselves in their own hands is by itself an empowering feeling. And this, by itself, can reduce their feeling of frustration and misery and lead them to view their life and potential relationships in a more favorite view.